love from nicole diane

Coffee, books, and sun :)

2009-06-17T15:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated in a while because I have felt wordless. I will tell you though that this summer has been amazing already. I have been working at Starbucks which is changing my life and my new addiction to anything coffee. It's a free addiction for the time being so I'm sticking with it. :) I began reading the Twilight series and haven't fallen in love but I am going to finish the series to see what the big fuss is all about. I have been out in the sun almost everyday this summer and it's been so relaxing. I decided to tone it down until I head to Puerto Rico in 10 days!!! My family, Aaron and I are going to Puerto Rico for vacation and I am super excited. I will definitely post some pictures and show you all of our fun adventures when I get back. Blog to you then!

Nicole

Welcome to the big D. A. double L. A. S.

2009-05-27T16:23:00.000-07:00

Can I just tell you that I am blessed and super excited about my life here in Dallas?!?!?!
Things are going so well, and it's so wonderful to know that I know this is where God wants me to be. Just yesterday I got offered a job teaching private voice lessons in the Plano School District. I never thought I would say this, but I am going to be a teacher! Wow. It was totally a God thing, and I knew the minute I was doing my mock lesson with a student that this is what I needed to be doing. I am still at Starbucks, no worries :), so I get my benefits and I still need that money, but in the fall I start as a private lesson teacher! Wooohooo!! Things are falling into place which reassures me that I'm in the right place. Post college life is kinda/REALLY awesome. I'm really poor. But I really don't care. Although, I should care. I work, lay by the pool, run errands, cook, read, and have no homework ever! I know this won't last forever but never the less I am enjoying this time in my life and adjusting well to Dallas!!
Well, I just wanted to give an update....sorry for pictureless post, yet again. I really get bored sometimes with no pictures. :(

Hope all is well!
Nicole

My plan is to experience.

2009-05-13T17:27:00.000-07:00

I made it to Dallas!! After a long weekend of packing, graduating, and driving I am here safe and sound and really loving it. I have to tell you it really has not sunk in that I won't be going back to school, or that I really live here. I still feel like I am on vacation.
So, graduating was incredible and I feel very accomplished. I still feel like a thirteen year old girl with my whole life ahead of me, which is comforting and a little naive all in one. My parents moved me to Dallas on Sunday and we had a sweaty, frustrating, funny, tiring day. I think they would agree on all of those adjectives. :) I started working at Starbucks on Monday and I absolutely love it!!!! I really do, I love the atmosphere, I love having to wear my hair in a pony tail everyday, and I love serving coffee to people and telling them to have a great day. Oh, and I love getting free coffee, pastries, and insurance. :)

This is a whole new chapter in my life and it is so exciting. I feel like a woman. I was talking with one of my best friends Sarah today and she told me that her goal in her life right now is to experience. Not to experience anything in particular, because neither of us really know what we want to experience at this point in our lives, but just to experience. I want to experience the everyday, and not let a day pass me by that I am not thankful or really living in the moment. I am young with an open heart for God to work and change me for the better everyday. He is control and I know that He has great plans for me in His time.
But in the meantime, my plan is to experience.

Nicole

I will post pictures from graduation soon!!!

Barista: a person who works at the counter of a coffee shop

2009-05-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

You are looking at Starbucks' newest barista!!

I know, it seems silly that I got a college degree and I am working at Starbucks and excited about it. But....I just don't know what I want to be when I grow up yet. I have auditioned for the Dallas Opera Chorus and have an audition for the Houston Opera Chorus next week, although that won't cut it on it's own even if they want me. So, Starbucks has great benefits, long hours, and coffeee!!!!

I have been praying about my future for a while now, cause I know if I didn't let God take this situation, I would be totally lost and overwhelmed. I knew He would take care of things. I didn't get the internship I applied for in Santa Fe, which I knew God was in control, and I guess He didn't want me there. I applied for other jobs and haven't heard back yet, but Starbucks came so easy (and it's sorta hard to get a job at Starbucks!) and I really feel at peace about being there. I think that with something I have been diligently praying about, and that's important to me God wouldn't just let anything happen. He has a plan. Maybe this could fulfill one of my ministries, or I could meet people that would be important in my life. Who knows?! All I know is that I am super excited about moving to Dallas, and beginning my job at Starbucks until God leads me to another opportunity. :)

Nicole

Recital Week from You Know Where

2009-04-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

So in order to complete my degree I have to complete a Senior Voice Recital. This includes a full hour of music, all by myself, dressed up, family in town, reception, etc.....well. God is funny, and I've realized things NEVER go as you plan.

Here is a rundown of my horrible week that turned out to be amazing because He was in control. :)

Sunday- Get in town after sitting at an airport for hours from a delayed flight at 1:30 in the morning

Monday- Work, run errands, a pretty good day :)

Tuesday- Start feeling a little sick, so of course this is causing stress and my mind starts racing a million miles an hour.....so I go to the doctor...

Wednesday- Walgreens tells me they can't fill my prescription!! What??!?! This leads to two trips to that same doctor and four trips to Walgreens and two calls to my insurance company...and lots of crying. Didn't get my prescription filled.

Thursday- Wake up and feel awful!!!!! Missed both of my classes to go to a different doctor, got some strong meds and felt so much better and encouraged about my road to recovery...mind you, this is now 2 days before my recital! 4 o'clock rolls around and Lubbock has a Tornado warning with golf ball size hail. My dress rehearsal is at 6. Fantastic. I make it to my dress rehearsal in the few minutes the weather has cleared up and I sing two verses of my very first piece and Ms. McNeil tells me to stop and to go home. My throat was super swollen, and I sounded like I was in pain. I was. So, now I am stressing out, worried to no end, and I can't cry because it will swell up my vocal chords even more. Last but not least, Mark calls me and tells me that he's not sure if he'll make it because Denver is having a huge snow storm. I wanted to cry...but I couldn't.

Let's just say I prayed A LOT this week...

Friday- Mom comes in town and some how makes me feel better instantly. :) I am feeling better but was told not to talk, or do anythings strenuous. So, naturally we get our nails done! :)

Saturday- Woke up feeling much better!! Also woke up to find my dad, Mark, and Sam asleep in our guest room...they got there in the middle of night!! I had a relaxing day, Aaron sent me flowers :), and my two best friends got into town from Dallas to see me sing! 6 o'clock came and I sang my recital, all in one piece, and I couldn't be more pleased with it.

God is good, He healed my voice and calmed my spirit. :) I'll post pictures soon :)

Nicole

I don't think I'll write today

2009-04-13T18:52:00.000-07:00

I want to write but I really don't know what to write about. I have been sitting here for five minutes staring at this blank slate.

I was thinking I would write about how I am anxious for graduation, my recital, and moving but I told myself I wouldn't write about those things until they actually happened because I am trying to be less anxious and live in the moment.

Then I thought I might write about how Aaron found my first gray hair and what that could mean in my life?!?!

Maybe I should write about how God confuses me and sometimes I don't know whether I'm making the right decisions. I really just want Him to be pleased in all I do.

I could write about how I'm really nervous about growing up, but I know it's something I just have to do. It will probably be more amazing that I ever dreamed.

Or I could write about how I've been having inner turmoil about how music is going to fit into my life. I want to sing, but it's competitive and I'm not good at selling myself. God gave me this talent for a reason, I just know it.

I'll write out a list of all the things I need to get done this week, whatever, that's boring.

I don't think I'll write today.

Holy Week

2009-04-08T05:22:00.000-07:00

Easter is probably one of my favorite holidays. It brings in the Spring, and it really feels like God is everywhere. I have been thinking earlier this week that I needed to take the time to realize the meaning of the season, and what it really means to me personally. So often I view God as being a judgemental God whom I am scared to really embrace. I feel that He is constantly shaking His head at the things that I am not doing, rather than what I am doing. It's hard to see God as someone that is so loving He smiles everytime I smile, He loves when I love, and He embraces every feeling and emotion I have because He Loves me.

Easter signifies Jesus raising from the dead after three days of being dead. What does this mean to me?? It signifies His promises. It signifies His power. It signifies His truth. He promises His grace everyday to me, and my prayer this Holy Week leading to Easter is that I really embrace that. I want to KNOW that He finds joy in me, that He sees me as an instrument, and He loves me more than I could love myself. What does Easter mean to you???

Much love,
Nicole

I'm a blond!!!!

2009-04-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

Just kidding. That would be horrible. But I really was a blond for the musical Sweeney Todd a few weeks ago. This was my last show at Texas Tech and it was really bittersweet. I got teary eyed at moments, not because I am leaving Tech, but because it is the end of chapter for me. I don't know what is to come of my future with singing, so I really tried hard not to take my last week as Johanna for granted...with the help and advice of some friends, I think I've decided to stay a brunette. :)
Here are some pictures of me as a "white girl." Pretty crazy!!

My makeup artist and wig maker, Daniel. I don't know what I would have done without him!

Last finishing touches before curtain call

Some London townsfolk and I

Chicago!!!!

2009-03-27T07:32:00.001-07:00

I'm back from the windy city, and it was such an amazing trip! We saw so many awesome things, and I was so excited for Aaron to see the city that I love so much, and the family that I love even more! Here are so pictures from the trip :)

We went to go see the comedy troupe the Second City where Mike Meyers, Steve Carell, Chris Farley, Tina Fey, and all of those other hilarious people came from. And I put this picture up to show you how adorable Aaron is.

The Chicago Symphony! We didn't get to see them but hopefully one day we will :)

The Bean!

The water was green for St. Patrick's Day!

We just arrived at O'Hare Airport

We got candy at the Hershey's Factory...yumm!

The Zoo! It was a beautiful sunny day, and the zoo was free. It was a good day :)

Aaron at the Navy Pier

Us at the Navy Pier...it was a bit windy

A view of the city and Lake Michigan from the park. Beautiful!

Wrigley Field!! Right after this, we got to drive through the city with my cousins and he showed us all of the places where they filmed the Dark Knight...it was so fun.

We watched a 4D film about the earth...it freaked me out to say the least. But we look cool! lol.

On our way to the Aquarium...we look a little cold here...that's because we were. :)

Aaron got us tickets to see Jersey Boys!! I loved it, and we got a sweet deal because we got rush tickets...25 bucks each for 100 dollar seats! We are bargain shoppers.

This was an amazing Italian restaurant where we enjoyed some wine and pasta! ...and Tirmasu :)

I'm so excited, I just can't hide it!

2009-03-11T10:24:00.000-07:00

Lot's of good things are happening here lately and I just feel so lucky.

I haven't heard back from Santa Fe yet but I am really hoping that I will know if I got the internship by Friday. Aside from that hanging in the air, I am really excited about what the future holds! Which is funny, because I have NO IDEA what I am gonna do.

Anyhow, I am super excited about spring break which is in t-minus 2 days!?!?! Aaron and I are headed to houston to see my family for a day, and then we are headed to CHICAGO!! Aaron has never been there, and all my dad's family lives there so we decided to head there for vacation! I love this city, and I can't wait to show Aaron around. I will definitely post some pictures when we get back!! :)

Another beautiful and amazing thing I just found out yesterday is that my two best friends from Dallas are coming to my recital in April! I love them, and we have been friends since middle school, and this will be the first time they have seen me perform since high school. When Sarah told me, I wanted to cry, and she said "
"Nicole, don't cry, that's what best friends are for!" So I cried. I love them.

God is good. That's really what this post is about. I'm really overwhelmed by His goodness and find great peace and adoration in my life these days. :)

Much love,
Nicole

Money must be Funny in a Rich Man's World

2009-03-03T10:25:00.000-08:00

Money. This has been on my mind kind of a lot lately. I don't make a lot of it, that might be why, but really money has never been extremely important to me, and I've never felt that I needed a lot of it.

Last semester I decided to stop singing at the church I was singing at so I could attend my own church. With this decision came of loss of around 250 bucks a month. For a college kid, that's huge. Even if I wasn't in college, that's huge. But I really felt like God was telling me to leave that church, and that it was the right thing to do. I knew he would take care of that extra money.

It really is amazing how God works, because honestly I really haven't missed it that much. Sure, I can't go out to eat as often as I want, or go shopping unless it is for a gift. I might have to wait 4 months to get my haircut but God is providing, and I think He is providing because I followed His will.

Recently, I have been thinking about tithing. To be perfectly honest, this is never something I did because I never felt like I had enough money to tithe. Ironic!?!? I think I'm so willing to give God certain aspects of myself but money?! What does God care about money?!?! He doesn't. He cares about my heart. He cares about me giving. He cares about me being willing to give something up knowing that no matter what He will provide for me more than I can provide for myself.

Money must be funny in a rich man's world. These are lyrics from an Abba song. I thought about these words, and it was speaking about a man that is rich in dollar bills. I am rich in grace. I am rich in love. I am rich in forgiveness. I am rich in hope. So yes, I guess money is sort of....funny.

Summer in Santa Fe ?!???

2009-02-26T09:30:00.000-08:00

I have my first big girl interview tomorrow. Well it's on the phone, but it's the real deal. I applied for an internship in Santa Fe, NM with the Santa Fe Opera and I got an interview!!! No...not singing. It is a Special Event Internship doing gala's for donors, cast parties, making invitations, communicating with guests...things like that. Special event planning is something I am thinking about going into and trying to sing on the side. This is the opera house! :)
I really do love to sing, but I think the lifestyle is not one that I want to be in forever. Anyways, so this is totally exciting for me, and I am just praying for a good interview tomorrow, and that they will fall in love with me and give me the internship tomorrow! HAH. Not really, that's a little selfish. But I am hoping whatever the Lord wants to come out of this, happens. There is a huge downside to this...that it is another 3 months until I get to be with Aaron. :( My dad is probably rolling his eyes right now with disgust :). Anyhow, but I really feel like this would be a great opportunity for me!! So pray for the Lord's will and a good interview tomorrow!!

Nicole

Love is in the Air

2009-02-18T06:06:00.000-08:00

Happy Late Valentine's Day!

I hope everyone had a great weekend with their loved ones. I was in San Antonio with Aaron for a huge music conference all weekend and it was great. Aside from having the flu, which absolutely was awful, I had a great time. We relaxed, listened to a bunch of concerts, and ate lots of Mexican food. :) If you don't know this, queso is one of my all time loves. Aaron asked me where I wanted to eat on Valentine's day and I said, I don't care, I just want queso and a margarita. So, my wish was his command. ;) Not really, but he did get me queso and a margarita. I kinda felt like a smuck of a girlfriend because I had a gift all lined up in my head that I was making, and I ended up leaving early to go see him, and I got really sick. So, his gift is still half finished in my house. I love giving gifts, and I really wanted to make him feel special, and when the day came around I had nothing. I know. Lame. I felt especially lame when I woke up and there was this really sweet card sitting on my suitcase. Anyways, good news is, I still plan to finish the gift and give him a late Valentine's. The other good news is, I know he knows that I love him even though I didn't have a material gift to give him. ;)

Hope everyone is well, much love!
Nicole

Facebook Fast

2009-02-06T10:44:00.000-08:00

Facebook and I are on a break.

BTW...I do not understand this picture at all, but I like Napoleon Dynamite and it said facebook. ha.

This started the other day when my boyfriend brought up the fact that I am addicted to facebook. Unfortunately, no matter how much I want to disagree, it's the truth. I get great satisfaction finding out what is going on in other people's lives even if I haven't seen them in five years. Honestly, I probably get on facebook like twenty different times a day. I am a loser.

So, we made a bet to see if I could give up facebook for a whole week. I started on Wednesday night, and I am ending next Wednesday night. I am not gonna lie, this is a struggle, and I might have had a tiny withdrawl this morning....:/.

I tried to change my mindset from thinking it was a bet, to a fast. Fasting can be an amazing thing. To take something time from something that consumes a lot of my energy, and transfer that time to things that are more productive. I've chosen to take my facebook time, and have a devotion in the meantime. Plus, God knows that I will need his strength this week....hah.

My roommate was thinking about giving up facebook for lent...let's just say she is a better woman that I am, I am sticking with a week. :)

Nicole

Date Married Women. What?!?!?!?

2009-02-04T06:45:00.000-08:00

You will never believe what I saw this morning!!!! It blew my mind so much I figured it was blog worthy.

I was surfing the internet and low and behold there was an advertisement offering this....

DATE MARRIED WOMEN.
Married men and women looking to have an affair!
www.flingdate.com/dating

Who looks to have an affair?? I didn't try the site and really didn't want to. But can you believe this?!? It kinda makes me queezy. Anyways, I really don't know what to say about it. I'm not married so experience isn't something that I have...but I know that marriage is still something God holds dear to Him and wants you to experience marriage and experience it abundantly. Abundantly as in fully, spiritually, to it's greatest goodness...not abundantly with twenty different women.

Nicoleeeee

She back back back again!

2009-01-28T08:19:00.000-08:00

I really can't believe I haven't blogged since October. I love blogging, so it kind of makes me sad that I took such a long break. I guess I felt like I had nothing to say. Good news is it's been 3 months, so I definitely have things to say. :)

Let's start in November. So, Thanksgiving was wonderful with much needed time spend at home with my family. My boyfriend, Aaron came from Dallas to visit and I showed him around Houston, it was so much fun!! Ok, so really I can't remember much that far back...so let's go to December.

December. Christmas. Yet again, Christmas made me realize the spirit of Lord is always among us, and He is so gracious. I had a wonderful Christmas spending time with my family and friends. I took my boyfriend to the Meyerson for his birthday, which was a treat for both of us.
They played all sorts of music, and had sing-a-longs, which of course I absolutely loved! My family and I spent Christmas in Houston, which was so relaxing. This year it actually snowed! My mom and I went to get our tree the day it snowed so it really got us into the Christmas spirit. I got to meet my nephew, Hunter Wayne Dean over Christmas too! Ok, so he's not my real nephew, but I am an honorary Aunt, and I am already loving it. Here is Britt and her baby boy...

January. January was/is so busy! First, Aaron surprised me with a trip to Taos, New Mexico for Christmas! We drove up and spent a few days just skiing and relaxing. It was so nice, and cold. :) Unfortunately, it decided to snow like crazy when we were leaving and we had a 14 hour drive back to Dallas. We tried to make the drive easier and more fun by playing 20 questions and scrabble. 20 questions was fun about 5 times, and scrabble...well, imagine playing scrabble in a moving car. It was a bust. I returned to school in full gear and have been going going going ever since. At the end of January, I ran my first half marathon!!! It was one of those things I wanted to do in my lifetime, so I trained, and did it! It was so inspiring and fulfilling. I definitely want to do another one, and hopefully one day the full marathon!

Now. Now I am getting ready to graduate from college!! I only have four months left of school, like forever. Maybe. For now at least. I am currenly in the musical Sweeney Todd, and preparing for my senior voice recital in April. Both are really exciting! I'm not really sure what God has planned for me this summer, or really anytime after May, but I'm not worried. I am nervous, anxious, excited, scared, but not worried. ;)

I hope this finds you well, and I hope to be more dedicated to this blog so please don't give up on me yet!
Talk to you soon!

Nicole

P.S. It's easier for me to read a blog this long with pictures, so I promise to add some pictures when I get home!

Reader's Block

2008-10-01T06:12:00.000-07:00

I love to read and recently nothing is catching my attention!! It is killing me because this is the first time I have actually had time during the school year to read for pleasure and I can't seem to find anything. I have been reading a few books here and there but nothing is speaking to me. So, any suggestions?!?! I like pretty much everything except science fiction, and horror. Please help me out!!

Music on the mind

2008-09-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

Music on the mind.

I have been listening to these three guys constantly because they are so amazing.
Check them out!!!!

www.myspace.com/levismith
Local Lubbock artist with a great talent!

www.myspace.com/davebarnes
His music will mostly likely make it in my wedding one day :)

www.myspace.com/mattwertz
Comforts me in the car on road trips

Life is great these days. I am comforted everyday with great friends, and a loving family. By the way, pray for those affected by Hurricane Ike. My brother and dad just retreated here for a couple days because they are running on a week without power. It makes you appreciate the little things :)
That's all for now, hope everyone is doing well!

Much Love!

I'm in my 20s.....

2008-09-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

I'm 22. I never ever thought I would say that I was in my 20's. I know I'm young, but this is the age that you always talk about when you are 13 with braces. I don't really know what I thought I would be doing at this age, but I imagined it pure bliss with no worries...hmmm...interesting.

I have learned so much in my 22 years, and I cannot imagine what the rest of my life holds. I had a bit of a breakdown on Monday, which was officially my 22nd birthday. I came home from classes feeling a little special in my own mind, although every single person that saw me that day had no idea I had just officially reached my "20's." I felt a bit lonely I think, due to that fact that most of my dearest friends don't live in Lubbock anymore, and my family is about 500 miles away. I started crying cause I'm sensitive, and realized that there was more to life than just being able to do everything legally. In my 22 years I have learned most of all that family is extremely important and those relationships are worth working at. My mother is probably one of my best friends, and I know people say that's not possible, and she is my mother, but we have a nice line between friend and mother. I guess you could say I was lucky. My dad is a man worthy of praise, and has taken care of me all of my life, and not just monetarily. My brothers are the sweetest things to walk the earth, and they treat me like a princess. Really.

All this to say, I have also learned that not everyone loves me the way they do, and there are people that will disappoint. People are crazy. They really are. I have met some looneys, and I guess I was a bit disappointed with humanity because I grew up rather naive. I thought everyone was good, and everyone loved each other and wanted the best for others. This is just not the case. In the Bible, especially in a lot of the Psalms "evildoers" and the "wicked" are spoken about often. I don't know if I thought they were kidding, but those people do exist, or else they wouldn't be mentioned. I have had a hard time dealing with the fact that man is flawed, and we will experience broken hearts, lonliness, shame, and hurt. We will also experience new trust, redemption, love, deliverance.

I read Psalm 37 today and it really spoke to me.

David writes to not fret because of evildoers, but Trust in the Lord, Commit your way to the Lord, Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him for He will deliver you and give you the desires of your heart.

Let me Update you.

2008-09-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

It's been so long!!

I have started school back in Lubbock and it has been absolutely wonderful. Things have been going so well, which always makes me think that something horrible is about to happen. I am often on my knees when I am going through hard times...which was pretty much the entirety of my whole senior year of college. Now, for the final round of my undergrad I stepped on campus with a smile on my face and a renewed spirit, and I can't forget to stay on my knees even though I'm finally happy.

I have exciting news and events for you to hear about! I am Peter Pan in Peter Pan in November which I am absolutely stoked about! I have all speaking lines and no singing, which is actually going to be a challenge but great for me as an artist. And the fact that I have to be a 14 year old boy presents itself as a huge endeavor as well. I like little boys, so I think this might work. Also, one of my dear childhood friends Brittany, is having her baby boy in November too, which she is anxiously awaiting, and so am I, cause I'm going to be an aunt. :)

My cousin is getting married in Virginia and my whole family is going, including Mark who lives in Colorado, and whom I haven't seen since June. So, I'm anxious for that!
Also, I think I have decided that I want to go to Graduate school. I have been really praying about this, and I know this is what I want to do, but I just don't know where. That is my next hurdle in planning my future. I know God will provide the wisdom I need to make these decisions but it's all happening so fast!

Well, everything in my world is at peace for the moment and God has been holding me in his arms like he promised. I'm grateful for today and all the blessing that I have been given.

Goodbye for now. Next time I post I will be 22!! yay!

Give it up. Literally.

2008-08-11T14:48:00.000-07:00

I didn't really feel like blogging today.
But so much is running through my mind I thought it would help. So I am going to use this entry to just let off some steam and possibly prevent upcoming stress.
These are just a few neurotic thoughts running through my mind....

"Ok, so I need to make a list of all the things I need to do. That list looks lame, I really don't have that much to do. I want to practice everyday for an hour, run every morning, eat healthy, watch the olympics, have a serious quiet time everyday, pack my car, pick out a bike. How am I gonna fit a bike in my car along with all the other crap I need to take to Lubbock? I really need to get a job when I get to Lubbock. Where though? I want to work somewhere like Starbucks. I don't even know if I have time for a job. I hate interviews. I really need to practice, Ms. McNeil is gonna kill me when she hears my first voice lesson. I feel fat. Maybe because it's that time of the month, or because I'm fatter. You're not fat. It could be worse. I don't care, I just feel fat. Well, I'll just start eating better. I was doing so good, and then I ate like crap in Germany. Nicole, you were Germany, get over it. Ok. I feel like I want to cut my hair. No, I just know as soon as I do, I'll freak out and want long hair. No I won't. I didn't last time. Well, maybe this time is different. You just got a trim, don't cut it yet. I want to get married. Well, I do but I don't. I just want to find that man that God has prepared me for. Where is he? I'm freaking waiting. I feel like if I just sat down for even five minutes and prayed about all of this I'd feel better. God doesn't answer all this in just five minutes. Shoot He could take five years if He wanted. I wish He were more timely. What does that even mean? I wish he followed my timeline? Get a grip. Give it up. Literally."

So close, Yet so far

2008-08-02T06:30:00.000-07:00

I miss you.
I miss America.
I didn't want to say because I am seeing so many new things and meeting amazing people.
But I finally convinced myself that it is okay to be homesick. Especially, since I am close (yet so far) from going home.
We visited Wust about a week ago, which is a tiny tiny village, where we sang in a sweet little church for the village and they were so receptive, again. Everytime we are about to perform I think to myself, if I have to sing this song again, I'm gonna shoot myself, and then I sing and see what a gift I gave them, and thank God that I even had enough energy and breath to sing.
After Wust, we finished up our class in Quedlinburg and said goodbye to my host family. They were so amazing. I will definitely see them again. I have to.
We visited Leipzig, which is a younger, more energetic city. It is smaller than Berlin, really easy to navigate, and a lot of young college students. It was my favorite city by far. I felt really comfortable, and enjoyed the history and the parks. Yesterday I took that afternoon to myself and went to this big park and laid in the grass for about an hour and a half. Before I left, I bought a bottle of water and some blueberries. I sat in between two beautiful huge trees in front of a pond, and laid my head on my bag and read my book until I fell asleep. It was perfect.
We just got to Dresden today, and honestly the only thing I wanted to do was eat, relax, and get on the internet to see some form of life back home.
Two days here, and then my parents and little brother are coming on TUESDAY!! I am counting down the minutes...(this is slightly to make my mom feel guilty and make her come too)
I love you America, I will be home soon.
Ciao.

Halberstadt

2008-07-23T00:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I visited a small town just northwest of Quedlinburg and it was somewhat of a life changing experience for me. Most of this trip I have just been following the crowd. Literally. We travel in groups and follow the next thing that is on the agenda, and we really don't know where we are ever headed, we just know we are going. Yesterday was one of my greatest followings yet.
Halberstadt is a small town that was part of East Germany so the historical side of this place was unreal. The man that was showing us the town showed us specifically where the jews lived, and where there were walls of segretation built up, and even a street named Judenstrasse(Jewish street). It was so fascinating to see, and most of this town was bombed during the war, but there are still remains, and it really tugs at your heart.
We had a concert planned in the Dom in Halberstadt at 5pm. This Dom(Cathedral) is humongous and incredibly beautiful. Most of our concerts have been small, but with incredibly receptive audiences. We rehearsed for a while, and finally walked out onto the area where we were to sing, and there were about a 100 Germans waiting for our concert to begin. I was shocked! They were standing in the back! Now, it is not the quantity of an audience, it really is the quality, but they were all so anxious to hear the music. The music. They probably had no idea where Texas Tech was, or what American teens looked like, or what all of our English pieces meant. They were there because they had an opportunity to hear beautiful music in a sacred place. It was so captivating. I was completely overwhelmed and saw again why I love what I do. I could have no idea who you are, not speak your language, or ever see you again, but I still can share my music with you despite all of those things.
Many people see Classical music as boring, and often as a dying artform. Yesterday I saw it as a living being that took me by my hand and walked me through new possibilites and a new look on life.
This is a conversation I have often....
What is your major?
Vocal Performance
Oh, what do you want to do with that?
Sing
Oh...(and proceed to get the, well that's nice, it's never gonna happen, you're a fool, do something that can pay the bills look)
I don't care. I do care. But I love music. I love how it makes me feel, I love how it brings people of all ages, races, places, etc. together. I love how certain songs remind me of certain times in my life, certain people, or certain emotions that I have.

The man touring us around Halberstadt said to us in his broken English...
I am not a musician, I am only a lover of music. I cried.

A Masterpiece

2008-07-18T02:12:00.000-07:00

I've been part of a masterpiece all of my life.
Yesterday I went on a long bike ride with my host family outside of town to the "Devil's Wall" and the Devil's Wall was great, but the journey on the way opened my eyes. I saw the most beautiful countryside, and it seriously instantly filled me with joy. God fashioned every single thing in this world exactly the way He wanted it to be, and it just amazes me everytime I actually appreciate it. He fashioned me too. He fashioned me into a masterpiece. Exactly the way He wanted me. He wanted me here. He wanted me to learn the things I am learning here, and benefit from the people I am with.

I have so many more thoughts but we are headed out of town for the weekend, so I'll have to fill you in later.

Until then,
Nicole

I still can't stop Smiling

2008-07-15T15:02:00.000-07:00

Quedlinburg has been so good to me I don't know where to begin to tell you how wonderful it has been.

Wolfgang and Sylvia have breakfast for us every morning and it is such a pleasant time. Truthfully, it is my favorite part of everyday. Of course, it is difficult at moments because we are thinking of things to say to eachother and nevertheless in different languages, but it the satisfaction of figuring out what the other is saying in a whole new language, and yet still feel like you are growing and getting to know eachother. It is beautiful. Really. I have had a joyous time getting to know their characters through different sounds and movements.

Today we had Milchkaffee with them in die Garten this afternoon. It was so delightful. Wolfgang makes fun of me for putting too much sugar in my coffee...but their coffee here is MUCH stronger than in America, and they drink it much more often. He said (in German) "I was the sweetest girl"...of course because of my sugar intake :). I must tell you though, my coffee intake has sky rocketed and my water intake has plummeted so I am feeling a little odd. It is good though, my body is slowly gaining strength from the different foods and the atmosphere it has been thrown into. Wolfgang just bought a new motorbike not to long ago, and today they went and bought him a motorbike jacket. He looks so snazzy! He modeled for us after coffee in the garden, it was the cutest thing.

We had our first concert in the Basilli Kirche in town, and we had an amazing turnout! We had about 40 people show up to our concert, and I think they loved it. I sang a trio, and aria in German so I was nervous about that, because the Germans tend to be a little more judgemental when it comes to performing. If they don't like your performance, they will let you know! Wolfgang said my German was good, so that totally made my night. :) We performed many different arias and opera scenes, and it was well taken. We then went out to the Brauhaus with Sylvia and Wolfgang and has some wine, and man do I feel great. A night with new friends, good wine, and a performance well done. Today was wonderful, and tomorrow will a day filled with new adventures. Again, I can't tell you how blessed I feel right now. I'm truly overwhelmed with God's grace.

I still can't stop smiling.

Home Sweet Home

2008-07-13T02:38:00.001-07:00

I arrived in the little quaint town of Quedlinburg yesterday and I was completely overwhelmed with the beauty and peace I immediately found in this town. Here will be where I will stay for the rest of my time here in Germany, aside from little weekend excursions here and there. I met my host family, Sylvia and Wolfgang Wasserthal, and to say they are wonderful is not enough. They greeted Anna and I with open arms and I had silent tears of joy to feel so at home so fast.

They showed us around their home town, which is no bigger than probably the entire campus of Texas Tech in Lubbock. I am with Anna in their guest house, which is a whole houst in itself. We have our room, kitchen, bathroom, living area, computer room, etc. It is a half timbered house that was built in the 1600s. Wow!! It is absolutely amazing. Sylvia speaks english well, although we still keep a dictionary around just in case. Wolgang speaks no english, but with my understanding of German, and our dynamic hands we are communicating very well.

They fed us dinner last night, which consisted of bread, cheeses, meats(what we think of lunch meats), and juice. They usually have their big meals at lunch, and then cold smaller dinners. I have not stopped smiling since I stepped foot into their home. Thank you God for this amazing opportunity!! We had breakfast this morning, and it was bread, of course, cheeses, jellies, coffee(they love coffee), and a hardboiled egg. They eat their hardboiled eggs differently by hitting in half with a knife, and then scooping it out bite by bite with a small spoon. I just love it all. We are now rehearsing all day for our first concert on Tuesday. I am so blessed to be here. I can't wait to tell you more tomorrow.

Berlin Buffet

2008-07-10T14:24:00.000-07:00

I have a staring problem.
I have had it for a long time and I'm finally embracing it, and actually
starting to love it.
My staring problem has helped me discover very unique facts about people. Airports are my very favorite place, a huge feast for my eyes. A buffet, if you will.

Anyhow, so naturally I have been staring at people since I've gotten here and I wanted to share some of my random discoveries, and let you in on some facts you might have not known before.

(These might say German people as a whole, and of course there are always exceptions, etc. etc.)

Germans never match, which I LOVE.
Germans love animals.
Germans have a different idea of what personal space is than Americans.
Germans NEVER SLEEP. I know I said that already in my last blog, but I swear they don't.
Germans aren't really terribly loud in public places. Such as, trains, etc. They have this subtle tone to their voices that don't carry and annoy others.
Germans love to be outside, and don't know life without a bicycle.
Germans love beer...duh. Partly because it is significantly cheaper than any other beverage.
Germans work. I don't know about you, but I imagined Germans just sitting around half naked, making out in a beautiful park all day long, but they actually do work.
Germans seem more comfortable in their own skin. You won't see these stick skinny girls, or sheek looking men showing themselves off in the middle of the street. It's a nice change. But if you like that sort of thing, go to London.
Germans have a beautiful language, opposed to what we thought to be very harsh.
Germans like to be German. They have a certain respect and love for their country. It's really touching.

I know there is more, but it's only been four days so I'll have much to discover, and many more buffets to enjoy. :) Until then...Ciao.

p.s. I swear I'll get pictures up when I can...

Berlin!

2008-07-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

Hallo!!

I am in Germany and loving it! I actually had jetlag really bad and
I did not get any sleep for about 3 days but I finally got a good night's
rest last night. Today I finally felt up to letting you in on my adventures in Berlin.

I've been on the go since I got here but I'm getting used to the fast pace.
I really don't know how to describe everything so far, it really is just so peaceful
to be in another place, not worrying about everyday duties or burdens. I have seen
so many amazing historical places since being here...my favorite part of history is world
war II so of course, this is the place to be for that. I'm staying in a hostel with lots
of other traveling young people, it's really fun until you want to sleep. These people never
sleep!!! Never! New York is not the city that never sleeps...if your bars close at all you sleep.

Berlin is such a diverse city, it makes it so much more comfortable for warming up to the country
before I head over to the small town of Quedlinburg. I use my German as often as possible, this will take some time. God has already been showing me things about myself, and about others and I've only been here three days! I am here in Berlin until Saturday morning and then I head to
meet my host family in Quedlinburg and I cannot wait for that!!!

Today I got some downtime by myself exploring the city and I tried to look as German as possible. I even ordered my lunch and coffee in German and they answered me back in German. That's a big deal! The minute they figure out you're American they just answer you in English...and it's semi embarrassing.... So, today was great, because I need downtime to myself often. I went to the Deutschehistoriche Museum, (the history museum.) It was sooo interesting, it told about German from the 100's until present day....an amazing country that has been through so much. Then I went
a book sale at University in the city, it was so relaxing and fun!! I bought a dictionary :)

Anyhow, I only have five minutes left on my internet timer deal...so, I have so much more to say but this keyboard is weird, and it's taking me a little longer to type than normal so Ciao for now!

Pictures coming as soon as I can get them downloaded!!
Miss you friends : )

Happy 4th

2008-07-05T05:26:00.000-07:00

So I decided to stay in the states for the 4th. In Germany, July 3 is the same as
July 4th. I couldn't miss out on hot dogs, watching Sandlot, parades, fireworks, or a holiday without my family. We went to our town's annual parade, which was hot but very fun.

I think I loved seeing the kids more than the actual parade. Kids love everything
and anything if it gives them something to put into their mouths or has lots of
colors. Holidays are such a joy to see so many people getting together for one celebration. Hope everyone had a good fourth! Ok, now I really am leaving for
Germany tomorrow morning at 6:30! I fly to Newark, have a layover, and then I'm off.
Now I'm just excited. I'm all packed, chacos on my feet, burt's bees in the purse, and an open heart and mind for the great adventure ahead!

Talk to you in Deutschland!!

Hi Ho It's off to Deustchland I Go

2008-07-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

So, I am leaving for Germany in t minus 48 hours.

Nervous, scared, excited, giddy, hesitant, hopeful, relieved, emotional, carefree are just a few things I'm feeling... tehe.

I know this adventure and great opportunity is going be amazing for me and I can't wait to see what God does with my spirit. I am naturally very adventurous and spontaneous but I definitely have had my nervous moments in the past couple of weeks. I don't speak German, I speak a little but a little hey what's up? is about the extent of it. I love the laid back nature of the German people and their constant awareness of the beautiful nature surrounding them, this I will LOVE. I will be staying with a German couple in Quedlinburg. They sent me an email and made me feel excited and so welcome. Here's a site about the little town I'll be staying in...www.quedlinburg.de. Check it out, it's such a quaint, sweet little town.

So, I will probably not blog until I arrive in Germany, but please keep up with me and my adventures. Any contact or feedback from my fellow Americans :) would be greatly comforting and appreciated.

Tschuss
Nicole

*picture is of me in Germany 2 summers ago*

A Life Free of Expectation

2008-06-12T07:49:00.000-07:00

A life free of expectation....what does this mean??

I've been pondering this for quite sometime. I don't
really know what it means to live without expectation
but I think it's very wise. Not in the sense that
we should settle for less than what God's grace
has allowed us to deserve, but being aware and open to
anything that crosses our path of life. To not have
certain expectations of how our life turns out, completely
letting God control the journeys of our lives.

I starting practicing Yoga this past semester at school
and one of the biggest mantras, or thoughts that was
encouraged to think about was having no expectation
of your practice. At the beginning of our practice, we
thought to ourselves what we wanted out of it, then we
continued with our class, then at the end we remembered
what our intention was for our practice. Whether it was
met or not, we let it go.

Let it go. I am free of expectation. This was my mantra.
I had nothing to live up to, other than what I needed and
had in the moment. How can I apply this to my spiritual life?
Is it more positive or negative to live free of expectations?
How much more beneficial would life be if we were able to just
let things go? Not that we don't care, but to take it, recognize
that it happened, and let it go.

Just words and thoughts. The monkey is for your thoughtful pleasure.

Blueberry Heaven

2008-06-07T11:26:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are not aware...I love blueberries. Love them.
Need them. Want them. Love them. It's bad.

It all started when I had mono two summers ago and I came to Houston for
the summer. My mom is all about getting better the natural way, blah blah, :) so
she told me if I just ate blueberries all summer I would get better because they
contain antioxidants. So, I did, and I got better, and I'm not sure the blueberries
had anything to do with it, but I went with it. Mom's always know best.

I would have them with me all year around but unfortunately, if
they aren't in season they are like 25 dollars per berry. Ok, not
really, but they are expensive. So, today my mom and I treated
ourselves to a beautiful morning in a huge blueberry farm picking
some delicious berries.

I look forward to this every summer.
You can't buy berries like these, they are just oh so sweet and juicy.
A true summer delight, and for those of you in the Houston
area you can treat yourself to a blueberry picking morning too.
It's just 1.50 per pound, and no extra costs to pick.
Visit http://www.moorheadsblueberryfarm.com for more info!

It made my Saturday. Have a blessed day.

Silent Strength

2008-06-06T08:27:00.001-07:00

I've been reading Colossians lately, and it's amazing. I've realized
that silent strength is an amazing gift to have, and one that I need.
To give anonymously, and not just money or material goods, but prayer, compassion, love...
It's so hard to give and get nothing in return that is immediate or
materialistic...unfortunately. We are people of impatience and we need
affirmation when we do good things. Affirmation that we are good, that
we deserve to be praised, and that we have somehow made someone or something
else better. That is great, but I feel like God is calling us to a very
humble silent strength. In Colossians 3 God speaks about putting on 'tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another'...and a lot of times you do these things unnoticed, which is good for us. It's good for us to do things where we don't receive immediate praise, but that we seek those things that are above, and not on things on this earth. When we forgive, we do this often just within ourselves,
and not make a big to do about how you forgave one that did you wrong. How many
times have we done our God wrong?? He forgives, loves, and waits patiently for us to
return to Him.

"But above all things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." Colossians 3:14-15

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know this is almost a week late but I wanted
to be able to show some pictures of our Mother's Day.

The whole family was up in Colorado for my
brother's graduation at the Prep School in Colorado.
We had an amazing weekend, it's really always an adventure
when all of the Mendez's are together.

We took my mom to this authentic Korean place for lunch
and it was delicious, we all wanted to die when we left
because we are ridiculously full. Then, we went for a
hike, and if you know my mother, she loves the outdoors.
It was a really special for us all together, and I know
my mom loved it.

We did have a slight mishap during the hike...you will see
the full affect in the pictures, but my mother fell during
the hike right after telling my brother's to be
careful (of course) and her butt hit right on top of the point
of a rock. It was nasty folks. She just laid on the trail
and was laughing/moaning. Of course, my sweet youngest brother
offers her water, my other brother, Mark, offers to help
her up, and I am there laughing and taking pictures. I just
love her. Good news is, she was okay, huge bruise right on the
butt, but ok, and I knew it would be funny later so I just
HAD to take the pictures during all the action.

I wanted to say thank you to my mother. She has been my rock
at times, and I don't know where I would be today without her.

Goodbye Hogwarts....

2008-05-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

Well, today marks an end of a big chapter of my life.

I have just finished the whole Harry Potter series. I'm so
sad to be departing with it. I feel like it was a journey
that I shared with the characters in the book, as well as
all of the 'real' people I shared it with.

It truly is a remarkable read, I was never a believer whenever
it was the "cool" thing to do, but some of friends told me
to just read the first couple and if you're not hooked then
don't bother. Oh, but oh, I was hooked and I have been reading
ever since.

It was such a remarkable adventure, and if you get the chance to
just read for fun, let yourself, because it truly can open up the
mind into some incredible imagination. : )

We're MOVING!

2008-05-03T06:27:00.000-07:00

Well, by the grace of God we are moving.

Seriously. We have been looking to rent a house,
or just a bigger place and nothing was working out.
Then we got a phone call, and this perfect little
house was pretty much just offered to us. Not too
expensive, big, new kitchen, a few blocks from school,
hard wood floors, an extra room!
It's truly a blessing, and we are so excited.

I keep saying we... Pam and I.

So, I started packing up my stuff this past week and
I've realized how much goes into something that you
make your home. I live in a shoebox,so I often
think what's to miss?? But we have been
here for two years now and it holds so many memories
that it will be so sad to go.

My mom and dad moved to Canada after they got married 22
years ago, and I can't imagine moving everything you've
known for like 25 years and just heading up to what feels
like nothing.

Luckily, I am just moving across town so if I get sad about
it, which hopefully won't happen often, because I love our
new house! then I can swing by and remember.

Pictures to come when we move at the end of MAY!

i.

2008-04-27T15:34:00.000-07:00

i was browsing some blogs and found this.

it's really neat.

i am: blogging to clear the mind.
i think: I know everything.
i know: I don't know everything.
i want: to live an abundant life.
i have: been known to have a staring problem.
i wish: for more faith in God for my future.
i hate: cereal with no milk.
i miss: my family a lot right now.
i fear: not being appreciated.
i feel: hopeful and content.
i hear: the wind blowing outside my window.
i smell: the garlic noodles I just ate.
i crave: vacation.
i search: with an open heart, most of the time.
i wonder: who will get married first, my brother or I? He's two years younger...and it's the ongoing joke in my family but I secretly am scared that it will be him.
i regret: not loving to read sooner in my life.
i love: taking a bath and going straight to bed.
i ache: for lonely people, and suffering children.
i care: about my skin.
i always: eat breakfast.
i am not: a cat lover.
i believe: that my God can do anything.
i dance: in my room alone sometimes...and pretend I'm a rockstar.
i sing: all the time.
i don’t always: take a shower...shocker.
i fight: with microsoft word a lot.
i write: in my journal, checks, make lists, blog.
i win: everyday.
i lose: everyday.
i never: make my bed.
i confuse: spanish words and german words.
i listen: to music all the time.
i can usually be found: in my room toodleing, or at the school of music.
i am scared: of very few things.
i need: quiet time.
i am happy about: leaving for Germany in a month and a half.

I'm back

2008-04-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

I love writing and I love blogging, and
I have no idea why I have not blogged.

I missed you blogger.

Well, I am back, and heading to
Germany this summer so hopefully I
will be blogging about that. : )

I have many adventures to come
and I want to share them with you, so
here I am starting back from square one.

Welcome. : )

Forgiveness is not...

2007-10-25T06:20:00.000-07:00

I pulled this excerpt from this book called "Devotions for Dating Couples"...obviously I'm not doing this with anyone but they had a section on forgiveness and I read a bit of it and it was totally perfect for me. Just thought I would share....

"Being forgiving is not excusing, minimizing, or tolerating the offense. Some people fear that forgiveness is a form of putting up with an offense or communicating that what happened is really no big deal. The Bible instructs us to be angry and yet not sin. It's okay, even legitimate, to feel angry when we are wronged.
When you give yourself permission to fully acknowledge the hurt and its ramifications, in a sense to "be angry and sin not," you confront the truth about what happened. And by the way, you are not required to expose yourself to more hurt after you have forgiven the offender.
Forgiveness is not necessarily about reconciling with the offender. We have met scores of people who believe that if you truly forgive someone, you are obligated to reunite with that person. Let's remember that forgiveness is primarily for you and something that you do inside yourself. It takes ony one person to forgive; it takes two to reconcile. In some situations reconciliation is not desirable or even possible."

I'm working on it...

nicole

Il bel far niente "the beauty of doing nothing"

2007-10-14T15:36:00.000-07:00

My mindset has recently been to seek true happiness and I personally feel there are only certain ways you can really be happy.

Frederick Buechner states in his book The Calling of Voices that "maybe that means that the voice we should listen to most as we choose a vocation is the voice that we might think we should listen to least, and that is the voice of our gladness. What can we do that makes us gladdest, what can we do that leaves us with the strongest sense of sailing true north and of peace, which is much of what gladness is?" "...our gladness in our work is as much needed as we ourselves need to be glad." "...to be Christs with whatever gladness we have and in whatever place, among whatever brothers we are called to. That is the vocation, the destiny to which we were all of us called even before the foundations of the world."

It's great stuff. It's ok to listen to that voice that makes us glad, and ultimately what makes us glad is where we're needed and will make others glad in return. I always thought doing things for yourself, things that make you glad was selfish. It could be some of the Christian mentality that others are always first, love others with everything you have, but I feel like I've almost suffered because of that. Not just dating relationships either, but all relationships. In the book Eat Pray Love she tells of her adventures experiencing pleasures in Italy and one of her Italian friends told her "Americans don't know how to do nothing." It's SO true. We don't. Even if we are literally doing nothing, I'm thinking about what I'm going to be doing, after I'm supposedly "relaxing" and doing "nothing."
I've truly been realizing the significance of doing things for yourself and it's been a huge eye opener for me. I can still love others the same, if not more than I did before, because I take time for myself. I put energy into myself.
I'm readying a book I really want to read for enjoyment, I take walks in my favorite park that I hadn't seen in months, I spend time with people that care about me, I sing because it feels good, not because I need to memorize a song by Tuesday, I pray because I want to talk to God. No money, or outfit, or material things are going to truly fulfill me, and I've truly been experiencing that. It's my relationships that will live on. Especially the relationship with myself and my God. talk about liberating, I feel so much better now.

I posted some pictures of my recent pleasures, enjoy : )

anticipating my sabbatical...

2007-10-11T06:12:00.000-07:00

I'm headed up to Colorado tomorrow morning to see my brother and I don't think I can wait another minute. There is something so comforting about being in nature, and something so comforting about being with my brother. So this weekend is going to help me a lot I think. I'm taking everyday one moment at a time, hoping that time heals me. Actually, that's really the only thing that's going to heal me. Eat Pray Love is amazing, I'm still reading it slowly, but surely. I don't have much to say although I have so many thoughts in my head I haven't slept in a week, but somehow I'm lost for words, but I just wanted to update a little this morning. I'll let you know how this weekend goes, hopefully I'll come back refreshed and excited about life now.
Until then...be blessed.
nicole

I want to be great.

2007-10-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

Today I've been thinking about all the things that I want to do with my life. I'm getting a little overwhelmed. I feel like I won't have time. Then I realize that I'm only 21 for goodness sakes.
I want to live the way Jesus lived.
I want to be selfless.
I want to be compassionate.
I want to be patient with people, and my future.
I want to one day leave all my belongings and move to Europe for a few months.
I want to fall in love.
I want to find inner peace and satisfaction that remains constant.
I want to write a book for myself.
I want to find quiet time everyday for myself.
I want to sing.
I want to be appreciated.
I want to appreciate.
I want to donate money to a worthy cause(if I had it)
I want to laugh as much as possible...till by belly hurts.
I want forgive others as often as possible.
I want to make a difference.
I want to be a part of Oprah's book club.
I want to be on Oprah.
I want to run a marathon.
I want to speak another language.
I want to be a wife and a mom.
I want to have a garden, with really good tomatoes.
I want to take every trial and truly consider it pure joy.
I want to be great.

what do you want to be?
nicole

eat pray love

2007-10-06T08:11:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I think I overshot a little bit when saying I was great. I don't feel that great. I mean I feel an inner greatness I guess, but it's been really hard these past few days. Luckily, I have amazing friends that have been so great. and speaking of amazing friends, I love Oprah. She's wonderful. I watched her show yesterday and it was so perfect for exactly what I was going through. She had a guest, Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote a book called Eat Pray Love and she was so inspiring. It's a story of her search for everything that brings her happiness basically, and she was just at an all time low emotionally. She had everything any woman could want except true happiness, and took a year to herself traveling to Italy, India, and Indonesia, and found herself, and the life she always wanted. I just started reading it and I just know that it's going to change my life. The more I get into it, the more I'll blog, but if you're interested it's an amazing read.

This one is for Pamela Jean

2007-09-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

I dedicate this post to Pam, my roommate, because she told me last night she never checks my blog anymore because I never update it...well here I am, updating my blog.

Weary. Lately I've been feeling this way a lot. Some days I don't know why, some days I know exactly why. There is this song Michael Buble sings, it's called Try a little Tenderness, and it describes exactly how I feel. "...she may be weary, women do get weary wearing the same shabby dress and when she's weary try a little tenderness...she may be waiting, just anticipating things she may never possess and while she's without them, try a little tenderness..." I feel like as soon as I started school everything came all at once. I was immediately overwhelmed as I walked on campus, and I've really never felt that way before. It's partly due to the fact that pretty much all of my close friends are graduated, and I'm so busy here that I feel like I don't have time for the people that are here with me. It's a constant battle. In a sense, I feel lukewarm in every aspect of my life. I feel I can't ever be satsified with myself as an artist, as a friend, as a cook :), really everything. It's tiresome always thinking about bettering yourself if you get to caught up in it. What's wrong with just being totally ok with how I am right now? I'm a perfectionist, and it will be the death of me if I don't get it under control.

ahhh...anyways on a better note. I went to Colorado Springs this past weekend with my family to see Mark at the Air Force Academy. It was so wonderful. I cried all the way back to Lubbock it was that wonderful. To see my brother as a grown man with such a great sense of who he is, and how loyal he is to this country makes me feel more proud than I have ever felt in my entire life. I can't imagine when I have my own kids.

Colbie Caillat (Rhymes with Ballet)

2007-09-01T20:24:00.000-07:00

So...I haven't been on here in a while, I often find myself wanting to write about something that's going on but I can't put into words...such is life.

BUt! I wanted to share a new and upcoming artist with you, cause I think she's totally amazing and I love her music. It's so soothing, and natural sounding, it's great. She's only 22! I can't imagine being so young and beginning such an incredibly heavy life. Well, write now my favorite song of hers is called "Bubbly" It is super cute, and truly captures that Bubbly feeling.

Here are the lyrics....and her site, check it out.

www.myspace.com/colbiecaillat

I've been awake for a while now
you've got me feelin like a child now
cause every time i see your bubbly face
i get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

The rain is fallin on my window pane
but we are hidin in a safer place
under covers stayin safe and warm
you give me feelins that i adore

They start in my toes
make me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

But what am i gonna say
when you make me feel this way
I just........mmmmmm

Starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
Im comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin me tight

Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go...

Wherever you go
always know
cuz you make me smile
even just for a while

and....I'm actually in Colorado visiting my brother whom I haven't seen in months. I'll definitely have a post up about that soon when I can get some pictures downloaded...so stay tuned.

Nicole

Be Still

2007-08-07T06:39:00.000-07:00

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

to be still...After a busy weekend of cleaning, running, practicing, and spending time with friends I realized last night that I need to be still. And not just be still, but be still and know that He's God. Really take in all things good, and reflect on my recent character...to reflect on my role as a friend, as a daughter, as a girlfriend, as a student, as an employee...

I hope to take at least a few moments everyday to be still.

still:
to silence or hush
to calm, appease, or allay
to quiet, subdue, or cause to subside (waves, winds, commotion, tumult, passion, pain)
to become still or quiet.

tschuss.
nicole

The Windy City

2007-08-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

Alex and I went to Chicago for four days a few weeks ago and let me tell you...it was a BLAST!! We went apartment hunting...ate, went to the horse races...ate, and went to the White Sox game ...and ate. It was amazing. All of my dad's family lives in Chicago so we stayed with them; there is nothing like getting together with a bunch of your family and eating some Chicago pizza. Chicago is absolutely my favorite city because you can do everything there. We shopped on Michigan Ave. and checked out the Chicago lyric opera house...we went to the Horse Track with my cousins, and I think that was the highlight of the trip...Alex came home with 200 extra bucks. I came home with 75, it was great. If you ever get the chance to go...don't pass it up, Chicago is amazing.

She's a Miracle

2007-07-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Pam and I went to have dinner with our boss Chris, his wife Cindy, and their new born baby girl Ella Nicole. Named after Aunt Nicole...lol.
She is soo beautiful. It really opened my eyes to see what a miracle it is have children. We looked at an ultra sound of Ella just nine months ago and she was just a little peanut. There is no rhyme or reason to how it grows and forms in the mother's belly, other than being just a God thing. It truly is a miracle. It also got me thinking about how much joy and excitement my own parents had when they found out they were having me. I don't think about it often, and I think that's because I don't understand the instant love that you have whenever your own child is born. Cindy said that's when you really realize it, and that I'll probably want to call my parents instantly when it happens. We had just a good time just visiting with the Starcher family, we are so excited to see Ella grow into a beautiful little lady.

"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.." Psalm 139: 13-14

tschuss.
nicole

club 5411 dinner feast.

2007-07-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

We had a pretty amazing dinner party last night at 5411. (That's Pam and I's address) We had one of Pam's besties, Mary and her fiance Sean spend the night last night and we ate a yummy dinner. By the way, I just met them, and they are A dorable. They are getting married next summer, Congratulations! Alex and Tyler came over as well and they loved our dinner too.
It was Honey Teriyaki Chicken with Sesame Seeds and Cellophane Noodles with Snap Peas. The chicken was great, the snap peas were great, but I'm not a huge fan of cellophane noodles, also known as Bean Thread...kinda weird. Tyler liked them. Here's the website you can get the recipe from....now you too can have an amazing dinner party. www.foodnetwork.com/food/show_rm/

be blessed.
nicole