Forgiveness is not...

I pulled this excerpt from this book called "Devotions for Dating Couples"...obviously I'm not doing this with anyone but they had a section on forgiveness and I read a bit of it and it was totally perfect for me. Just thought I would share....

"Being forgiving is not excusing, minimizing, or tolerating the offense. Some people fear that forgiveness is a form of putting up with an offense or communicating that what happened is really no big deal. The Bible instructs us to be angry and yet not sin. It's okay, even legitimate, to feel angry when we are wronged.
When you give yourself permission to fully acknowledge the hurt and its ramifications, in a sense to "be angry and sin not," you confront the truth about what happened. And by the way, you are not required to expose yourself to more hurt after you have forgiven the offender.
Forgiveness is not necessarily about reconciling with the offender. We have met scores of people who believe that if you truly forgive someone, you are obligated to reunite with that person. Let's remember that forgiveness is primarily for you and something that you do inside yourself. It takes ony one person to forgive; it takes two to reconcile. In some situations reconciliation is not desirable or even possible."

I'm working on it...

nicole

Il bel far niente "the beauty of doing nothing"

My mindset has recently been to seek true happiness and I personally feel there are only certain ways you can really be happy.

Frederick Buechner states in his book The Calling of Voices that "maybe that means that the voice we should listen to most as we choose a vocation is the voice that we might think we should listen to least, and that is the voice of our gladness. What can we do that makes us gladdest, what can we do that leaves us with the strongest sense of sailing true north and of peace, which is much of what gladness is?" "...our gladness in our work is as much needed as we ourselves need to be glad." "...to be Christs with whatever gladness we have and in whatever place, among whatever brothers we are called to. That is the vocation, the destiny to which we were all of us called even before the foundations of the world."

It's great stuff. It's ok to listen to that voice that makes us glad, and ultimately what makes us glad is where we're needed and will make others glad in return. I always thought doing things for yourself, things that make you glad was selfish. It could be some of the Christian mentality that others are always first, love others with everything you have, but I feel like I've almost suffered because of that. Not just dating relationships either, but all relationships. In the book Eat Pray Love she tells of her adventures experiencing pleasures in Italy and one of her Italian friends told her "Americans don't know how to do nothing." It's SO true. We don't. Even if we are literally doing nothing, I'm thinking about what I'm going to be doing, after I'm supposedly "relaxing" and doing "nothing."
I've truly been realizing the significance of doing things for yourself and it's been a huge eye opener for me. I can still love others the same, if not more than I did before, because I take time for myself. I put energy into myself.
I'm readying a book I really want to read for enjoyment, I take walks in my favorite park that I hadn't seen in months, I spend time with people that care about me, I sing because it feels good, not because I need to memorize a song by Tuesday, I pray because I want to talk to God. No money, or outfit, or material things are going to truly fulfill me, and I've truly been experiencing that. It's my relationships that will live on. Especially the relationship with myself and my God. talk about liberating, I feel so much better now.

I posted some pictures of my recent pleasures, enjoy : )

anticipating my sabbatical...

I'm headed up to Colorado tomorrow morning to see my brother and I don't think I can wait another minute. There is something so comforting about being in nature, and something so comforting about being with my brother. So this weekend is going to help me a lot I think. I'm taking everyday one moment at a time, hoping that time heals me. Actually, that's really the only thing that's going to heal me. Eat Pray Love is amazing, I'm still reading it slowly, but surely. I don't have much to say although I have so many thoughts in my head I haven't slept in a week, but somehow I'm lost for words, but I just wanted to update a little this morning. I'll let you know how this weekend goes, hopefully I'll come back refreshed and excited about life now.
Until then...be blessed.
nicole

I want to be great.

Today I've been thinking about all the things that I want to do with my life. I'm getting a little overwhelmed. I feel like I won't have time. Then I realize that I'm only 21 for goodness sakes.
I want to live the way Jesus lived.
I want to be selfless.
I want to be compassionate.
I want to be patient with people, and my future.
I want to one day leave all my belongings and move to Europe for a few months.
I want to fall in love.
I want to find inner peace and satisfaction that remains constant.
I want to write a book for myself.
I want to find quiet time everyday for myself.
I want to sing.
I want to be appreciated.
I want to appreciate.
I want to donate money to a worthy cause(if I had it)
I want to laugh as much as possible...till by belly hurts.
I want forgive others as often as possible.
I want to make a difference.
I want to be a part of Oprah's book club.
I want to be on Oprah.
I want to run a marathon.
I want to speak another language.
I want to be a wife and a mom.
I want to have a garden, with really good tomatoes.
I want to take every trial and truly consider it pure joy.
I want to be great.

what do you want to be?
nicole

eat pray love

Ok. So I think I overshot a little bit when saying I was great. I don't feel that great. I mean I feel an inner greatness I guess, but it's been really hard these past few days. Luckily, I have amazing friends that have been so great. and speaking of amazing friends, I love Oprah. She's wonderful. I watched her show yesterday and it was so perfect for exactly what I was going through. She had a guest, Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote a book called Eat Pray Love and she was so inspiring. It's a story of her search for everything that brings her happiness basically, and she was just at an all time low emotionally. She had everything any woman could want except true happiness, and took a year to herself traveling to Italy, India, and Indonesia, and found herself, and the life she always wanted. I just started reading it and I just know that it's going to change my life. The more I get into it, the more I'll blog, but if you're interested it's an amazing read.