Forgiveness is not...

I pulled this excerpt from this book called "Devotions for Dating Couples"...obviously I'm not doing this with anyone but they had a section on forgiveness and I read a bit of it and it was totally perfect for me. Just thought I would share....

"Being forgiving is not excusing, minimizing, or tolerating the offense. Some people fear that forgiveness is a form of putting up with an offense or communicating that what happened is really no big deal. The Bible instructs us to be angry and yet not sin. It's okay, even legitimate, to feel angry when we are wronged.
When you give yourself permission to fully acknowledge the hurt and its ramifications, in a sense to "be angry and sin not," you confront the truth about what happened. And by the way, you are not required to expose yourself to more hurt after you have forgiven the offender.
Forgiveness is not necessarily about reconciling with the offender. We have met scores of people who believe that if you truly forgive someone, you are obligated to reunite with that person. Let's remember that forgiveness is primarily for you and something that you do inside yourself. It takes ony one person to forgive; it takes two to reconcile. In some situations reconciliation is not desirable or even possible."

I'm working on it...

nicole

Il bel far niente "the beauty of doing nothing"

My mindset has recently been to seek true happiness and I personally feel there are only certain ways you can really be happy.

Frederick Buechner states in his book The Calling of Voices that "maybe that means that the voice we should listen to most as we choose a vocation is the voice that we might think we should listen to least, and that is the voice of our gladness. What can we do that makes us gladdest, what can we do that leaves us with the strongest sense of sailing true north and of peace, which is much of what gladness is?" "...our gladness in our work is as much needed as we ourselves need to be glad." "...to be Christs with whatever gladness we have and in whatever place, among whatever brothers we are called to. That is the vocation, the destiny to which we were all of us called even before the foundations of the world."

It's great stuff. It's ok to listen to that voice that makes us glad, and ultimately what makes us glad is where we're needed and will make others glad in return. I always thought doing things for yourself, things that make you glad was selfish. It could be some of the Christian mentality that others are always first, love others with everything you have, but I feel like I've almost suffered because of that. Not just dating relationships either, but all relationships. In the book Eat Pray Love she tells of her adventures experiencing pleasures in Italy and one of her Italian friends told her "Americans don't know how to do nothing." It's SO true. We don't. Even if we are literally doing nothing, I'm thinking about what I'm going to be doing, after I'm supposedly "relaxing" and doing "nothing."
I've truly been realizing the significance of doing things for yourself and it's been a huge eye opener for me. I can still love others the same, if not more than I did before, because I take time for myself. I put energy into myself.
I'm readying a book I really want to read for enjoyment, I take walks in my favorite park that I hadn't seen in months, I spend time with people that care about me, I sing because it feels good, not because I need to memorize a song by Tuesday, I pray because I want to talk to God. No money, or outfit, or material things are going to truly fulfill me, and I've truly been experiencing that. It's my relationships that will live on. Especially the relationship with myself and my God. talk about liberating, I feel so much better now.

I posted some pictures of my recent pleasures, enjoy : )

anticipating my sabbatical...

I'm headed up to Colorado tomorrow morning to see my brother and I don't think I can wait another minute. There is something so comforting about being in nature, and something so comforting about being with my brother. So this weekend is going to help me a lot I think. I'm taking everyday one moment at a time, hoping that time heals me. Actually, that's really the only thing that's going to heal me. Eat Pray Love is amazing, I'm still reading it slowly, but surely. I don't have much to say although I have so many thoughts in my head I haven't slept in a week, but somehow I'm lost for words, but I just wanted to update a little this morning. I'll let you know how this weekend goes, hopefully I'll come back refreshed and excited about life now.
Until then...be blessed.
nicole

I want to be great.

Today I've been thinking about all the things that I want to do with my life. I'm getting a little overwhelmed. I feel like I won't have time. Then I realize that I'm only 21 for goodness sakes.
I want to live the way Jesus lived.
I want to be selfless.
I want to be compassionate.
I want to be patient with people, and my future.
I want to one day leave all my belongings and move to Europe for a few months.
I want to fall in love.
I want to find inner peace and satisfaction that remains constant.
I want to write a book for myself.
I want to find quiet time everyday for myself.
I want to sing.
I want to be appreciated.
I want to appreciate.
I want to donate money to a worthy cause(if I had it)
I want to laugh as much as possible...till by belly hurts.
I want forgive others as often as possible.
I want to make a difference.
I want to be a part of Oprah's book club.
I want to be on Oprah.
I want to run a marathon.
I want to speak another language.
I want to be a wife and a mom.
I want to have a garden, with really good tomatoes.
I want to take every trial and truly consider it pure joy.
I want to be great.

what do you want to be?
nicole

eat pray love

Ok. So I think I overshot a little bit when saying I was great. I don't feel that great. I mean I feel an inner greatness I guess, but it's been really hard these past few days. Luckily, I have amazing friends that have been so great. and speaking of amazing friends, I love Oprah. She's wonderful. I watched her show yesterday and it was so perfect for exactly what I was going through. She had a guest, Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote a book called Eat Pray Love and she was so inspiring. It's a story of her search for everything that brings her happiness basically, and she was just at an all time low emotionally. She had everything any woman could want except true happiness, and took a year to herself traveling to Italy, India, and Indonesia, and found herself, and the life she always wanted. I just started reading it and I just know that it's going to change my life. The more I get into it, the more I'll blog, but if you're interested it's an amazing read.

This one is for Pamela Jean

I dedicate this post to Pam, my roommate, because she told me last night she never checks my blog anymore because I never update it...well here I am, updating my blog.

Weary. Lately I've been feeling this way a lot. Some days I don't know why, some days I know exactly why. There is this song Michael Buble sings, it's called Try a little Tenderness, and it describes exactly how I feel. "...she may be weary, women do get weary wearing the same shabby dress and when she's weary try a little tenderness...she may be waiting, just anticipating things she may never possess and while she's without them, try a little tenderness..." I feel like as soon as I started school everything came all at once. I was immediately overwhelmed as I walked on campus, and I've really never felt that way before. It's partly due to the fact that pretty much all of my close friends are graduated, and I'm so busy here that I feel like I don't have time for the people that are here with me. It's a constant battle. In a sense, I feel lukewarm in every aspect of my life. I feel I can't ever be satsified with myself as an artist, as a friend, as a cook :), really everything. It's tiresome always thinking about bettering yourself if you get to caught up in it. What's wrong with just being totally ok with how I am right now? I'm a perfectionist, and it will be the death of me if I don't get it under control.



ahhh...anyways on a better note. I went to Colorado Springs this past weekend with my family to see Mark at the Air Force Academy. It was so wonderful. I cried all the way back to Lubbock it was that wonderful. To see my brother as a grown man with such a great sense of who he is, and how loyal he is to this country makes me feel more proud than I have ever felt in my entire life. I can't imagine when I have my own kids.

Colbie Caillat (Rhymes with Ballet)

So...I haven't been on here in a while, I often find myself wanting to write about something that's going on but I can't put into words...such is life.

BUt! I wanted to share a new and upcoming artist with you, cause I think she's totally amazing and I love her music. It's so soothing, and natural sounding, it's great. She's only 22! I can't imagine being so young and beginning such an incredibly heavy life. Well, write now my favorite song of hers is called "Bubbly" It is super cute, and truly captures that Bubbly feeling.

Here are the lyrics....and her site, check it out.

www.myspace.com/colbiecaillat

I've been awake for a while now
you've got me feelin like a child now
cause every time i see your bubbly face
i get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

The rain is fallin on my window pane
but we are hidin in a safer place
under covers stayin safe and warm
you give me feelins that i adore

They start in my toes
make me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

But what am i gonna say
when you make me feel this way
I just........mmmmmm

Starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
Im comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin me tight

Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go...

Wherever you go
always know
cuz you make me smile
even just for a while

and....I'm actually in Colorado visiting my brother whom I haven't seen in months. I'll definitely have a post up about that soon when I can get some pictures downloaded...so stay tuned.

Nicole

Be Still

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

to be still...After a busy weekend of cleaning, running, practicing, and spending time with friends I realized last night that I need to be still. And not just be still, but be still and know that He's God. Really take in all things good, and reflect on my recent character...to reflect on my role as a friend, as a daughter, as a girlfriend, as a student, as an employee...

I hope to take at least a few moments everyday to be still.

still:
to silence or hush
to calm, appease, or allay
to quiet, subdue, or cause to subside (waves, winds, commotion, tumult, passion, pain)
to become still or quiet.

tschuss.
nicole

The Windy City

Alex and I went to Chicago for four days a few weeks ago and let me tell you...it was a BLAST!! We went apartment hunting...ate, went to the horse races...ate, and went to the White Sox game ...and ate. It was amazing. All of my dad's family lives in Chicago so we stayed with them; there is nothing like getting together with a bunch of your family and eating some Chicago pizza. Chicago is absolutely my favorite city because you can do everything there. We shopped on Michigan Ave. and checked out the Chicago lyric opera house...we went to the Horse Track with my cousins, and I think that was the highlight of the trip...Alex came home with 200 extra bucks. I came home with 75, it was great. If you ever get the chance to go...don't pass it up, Chicago is amazing.

She's a Miracle

Yesterday Pam and I went to have dinner with our boss Chris, his wife Cindy, and their new born baby girl Ella Nicole. Named after Aunt Nicole...lol.
She is soo beautiful. It really opened my eyes to see what a miracle it is have children. We looked at an ultra sound of Ella just nine months ago and she was just a little peanut. There is no rhyme or reason to how it grows and forms in the mother's belly, other than being just a God thing. It truly is a miracle. It also got me thinking about how much joy and excitement my own parents had when they found out they were having me. I don't think about it often, and I think that's because I don't understand the instant love that you have whenever your own child is born. Cindy said that's when you really realize it, and that I'll probably want to call my parents instantly when it happens. We had just a good time just visiting with the Starcher family, we are so excited to see Ella grow into a beautiful little lady.

"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.." Psalm 139: 13-14

tschuss.
nicole

club 5411 dinner feast.

We had a pretty amazing dinner party last night at 5411. (That's Pam and I's address) We had one of Pam's besties, Mary and her fiance Sean spend the night last night and we ate a yummy dinner. By the way, I just met them, and they are A dorable. They are getting married next summer, Congratulations! Alex and Tyler came over as well and they loved our dinner too.
It was Honey Teriyaki Chicken with Sesame Seeds and Cellophane Noodles with Snap Peas. The chicken was great, the snap peas were great, but I'm not a huge fan of cellophane noodles, also known as Bean Thread...kinda weird. Tyler liked them. Here's the website you can get the recipe from....now you too can have an amazing dinner party. www.foodnetwork.com/food/show_rm/

be blessed.
nicole